Connection: A Vital Resource

We are not meant to isolate.

Recently, I was visiting with my brother-in-law who was showing me his newly planted apple trees. “I had to get two,” he told me, “because apple trees can’t self-pollinate, so you need two for cross-pollination.” Of course, I thought, because the root of all life is attachment, or the need to be able to depend on others to thrive.

“Why attachment theory?”, you may ask me. Attachment in my ever evolving opinion, and as was reinforced by the above conversation with my brother-in-law, is the foundational essence of all life. It may sound cliche to say that we are meant for connection, and yet, everything in nature tells us that not only is all life meant for connection, but that it is crucial for survival. Cells can not exist without other cells, atoms need to connect with other atoms, neurons are pruned away if they are not connected to others, and we as human beings need safe people to depend on and turn to in order to thrive.

It makes sense, too. At a very basic, evolutionary level, we are less likely to survive in the unforgiving landscapes of the world on our own. We need others to depend on when we are at our most vulnerable, who will protect us and help us. We need others to produce offspring. We need others to contribute different skill sets and strengths. Needing people and relying on others is not a weakness, as I have heard many mention. Nor is it a burden, it is a mutual exchange of safety and support integral to our communal survival.

The next time you are worried about needing others, burdening others, or depending on others remember the people we need almost universally need us too.